Sunday, 23 January 2011

How to boil an egg


It's not that I can't cook - I can and do if I must - it's more that I can't stay on task. Today's whim,  2 hard-boiled eggs for lunch, followed my increasingly-common cooking method of 'start, drift, and scuttle'.

The Incompetent's Way:

Start by putting 2 eggs in a pan, cover with cold water, and light the gas. Don't bother with timer.

Drift away and become immersed in something else upstairs. Forget immediately about the eggs. Email a friend. Read a blog. Check your bank balance. Gaze out of the window at the grey, lowering sky. Sigh a little. Time passes very nicely this way.

When the house starts to smell disturbingly eggy, leap up from the computer, and in a state of some agitation, scuttle downstairs, muttering oaths, arms held in front of face as if expecting an explosion.

Rescue eggs just in time, as the last teaspoonful of water begins to evaporate. The kitchen windows will be completely steamed up.

Plunge eggs in cold water and remove what little shell they haven't managed to ease themselves out of in their desperate attempt to escape.


On a cheery note: the smell of hard-boiled eggs throughout the house is infinitely preferable to that of exploded eggs and blackened pan. I know this to be true.

27 comments:

June said...

Well, look.
They got cooked, didn't they?
And they tasted all right.
No harm done.

flwrjane said...

So funny. I had in mind to do an egg post today. Not quite like yours though....

Bon Appetit.

xo jane

Amy McPherson Sirk said...

LOL! What a fabulous description. I can just see you rushing down the stairs, dodging furry animals on the way. I use a very similar method to make tea. Except there is no way to tell that the water has boiled away until my teenage daughter wanders into the kitchen for a soda. "Um, are you cooking something?" she calls. Ooops.

annie hoff said...

Whoops....!

Lucille said...

Our lives running in sinister parallel again. The exploded eggs (we left them all day) are still in evidence on the kitchen ceiling.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

And , that way , you got that nice green ring round the yolks . Very colourful in a salad .

the veg artist said...

Time to teach one of the tribe to cook, or at least raise the alarm! Flossie should be the most trainable?

Jenny Debeaux said...

This is my method of cooking, which is why my nearest and dearest insist on my timing any food I cook for them - and also keep a weather eye on where I am in the house. They seem to think that I ought to spend all the cooking time in the kitchen for goodness sake - as if I hadn't got anything better to do!

You are not alone in this world.........

Julia said...

Hi,

I read Jane's blog and found yours. Your egg story is hilarious!

Catherine said...

Haha ~ oh my boys have had many a burnt supper because I get side tracked with something else while cooking supper. There's so many more interesting things to do then cook I think!
xo Catherine

Sherri B. said...

I laughed..only because this could be and has been me...I never need wonder if my smoke alarm works.

judy in ky said...

You mean that nice green ring doesn't belong there?!

frayedattheedge said...

At least you rescued them in time - the smell of burnt saucepan seems to hang around for days! Perhaps next time you could have scrambled eggs, as you have to stay in the kitchen and stir them!!

Belinda @ Wild Acre said...

Did you eat them?? My speciality is that if I ever put bread/naans in the oven to have with a meal, I never remember to take them out until someone smells smoke! Such a waste!

jabblog said...

Oh dear, this is all too familiar! Usually, my eggs have reached the exploding stage by the time I register an unusual smell in the house. I wouldn't mind so much but I don't eat eggs!

Lynda (Granny K) said...

So glad it's not just me! :o)

Mac n' Janet said...

That's exactly how I cook them!

Dartford Warbler said...

Oh yes, you have the same recipe as me!

Charcoal black potatoes with matching pan bottom is another one......

Isabelle said...

Did you try a little burnt-dry cauliflower, just to complete the smell in your house?

(Are you actually trying to put buyers off...)

Ok, then, on another topic: what's a Tim Tam explosion???

Urbanstems said...

I too read Jane's blog and popped over to read your egg story! Brilliant - now how do you make a cup of tea????! Sinead

Molly said...

You must have gone to the same culinary school as me! My standard trick is to put on some oatmeal on medium heat, to cook while I run back to the bedroom to get dressed. Very efficient, doing a second task while the first one bubbles away. Alas, I get trapped in the Nothing To Wear black hole that is my closet [even though it is bulging at the seams.] After trying on, and discarding, in disgust, my fourth outfit [only on days I work!] my sensitive nose sniffs the air, and with an "Oh expletive deleted!" I sprint to the kitchen, to hear the dry crackle of my abused one quart saucepan....I usually have to soak it for a week.....I am so glad to know there are kindred spirits out there!

"Sunshine" said...

I am curious as to what they looked like on the inside... Oh wait, I can only imagine...

Pam said...

Made me laugh, because it's so familiar.Although I've been known to neglect an egg or two, with me it's the peas. Urgh, the smell, and cover the blackened pan with salt doesn't really work to save the saucepan either.

Pepinillo said...

ok, is so cool!!! cool

Sandi said...

Hehe, I can laugh because I have the same affliction, but the smell does bring one back quick smart.
Hi I'm Sandi from Australia and I am wandering around blog land and I found you :)
x Sandi

Suse said...

My mum did exactly this the other day when we were staying with her. I kept saying What's that smell? Something smells?

elizabethm said...

I love cooking so I am ashamed to say that burning potatoes is one of my tricks. I have lost count of the number of blackened pans I have produced over my cooking life!

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