let me think... try double-clicking....

"I'm channelling Bill Gates.... Now, press Save As... no, go back to Tools... no, maybe it's just that you're stupid..."

Help help! uttered in feeble voice, weakened with frustration and sense of own limitations.

Anybody out there using Blogger who can explain to me the finer points of posting videos via YouTube? I've got a rough idea of the cruder points, I think, after hours of struggle, but what a messy result - overspilling its column, no way of adding text after the URL has been embedded (see? I know the words!), not pretty.

Of course, the risk is that if I become adept at it, you'll be sentenced to a video a day. You can see it all now, can't you, like some horrible life sentence: "Today we will watch Millie eating kitten food. Tomorrow we will watch Scooter chasing his tail and having hiccups at the same time (now that's a cute little thing to see, actually), then we shall watch Lottie sleeping...." Well, what's the point of YouTube or any of the other technological marvels to which we've grown accustomed in recent years if not to inflict them on each other? I promise we won't do Twitter though.

Advice and encouragement welcome, but be warned: I am a bottomless pit of ineptitude and many more questions are bubbling away, waiting to be bleated out to the unwary.

Ticket terror, security subversion

Call me old-fashioned, but these e-tickets, e-visas, and (on Wednesday) e-boarding passes just don't feel right to me. I keep checking the bits of paper that I have printed out myself to make sure there really isn't something I've failed to do that will cause me to be refused entry at the airport, miss my flight and spend painful hours trying to explain to everyone that I'm a) more of an idiot than they ever thought possible, and b) didn't do it on purpose through fear of flying.

And then even if I do succeed in making it to Terminal 5 (or T5 as they trendily call it) there's the pressure to sabotage any attempt to fingerprint me - someone on Radio 4 PM this evening was calling for all-out passenger rebellion, suggesting the use of superglue and a small pointy implement to create your own finger-end designs instead of fingerprints. But, quite aside from superglue having a mind of its own, and the risk of sticking myself to my hand luggage, or worse, the security personnel trying to arrest me, my freehand icing skills leave so much to be desired - how on earth can I design my own fingertips to an acceptable aesthetic standard? So much to worry about!