Thank you, dear Commenters. I'm going to listen to all of your advice, even though I think some of you may be as daft as I am, and use it to make up my own cough cure.
Take one dollop each of:
- chicken soup
- eucalyptus oil
- Covonia (my mother's favourite cough mixture, incidentally - and as a lifelong smoker, she had a prize-winning cough)
- 2" square of shredded fish and chip paper
- goose fat
- assorted cough sweets
- leftover antibiotics from the pet meds box (use by date 1997)
- a couple of the dog's cough capsules
- chilli powder
- balsamic vinegar (the very expensive one that tastes like Veno's)
- tea tree oil
Put in food blender and blend like fury.
Strain through muslin, add whatever alcohol is still left over from various Christmases past (Grand Marnier, gin, something unpleasantly gluhweinish that no one will touch, and that cheap cherry brandy from Lidl), and a splash of Angostura Bitters to add sophistication.
Invite people (friends, neighbours, Commenters) round to share the delights of Dr Slow Lane's Efficacious Mixture. Serve them first.