Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Cure-all




Thank you, dear Commenters. I'm going to listen to all of your advice, even though I think some of you may be as daft as I am, and use it to make up my own cough cure. 

As follows:

Take one dollop each of:
  • chicken soup
  • chocolate
  • creosote
  • honey
  • eucalyptus oil
  • Covonia  (my mother's favourite cough mixture, incidentally - and as a lifelong smoker, she had a prize-winning cough)
  • 2" square of shredded fish and chip paper
  • goose fat
  • assorted cough sweets
  • leftover antibiotics from the pet meds box (use by date 1997)
  • a couple of the dog's cough capsules
  • chilli powder
  • balsamic vinegar (the very expensive one that tastes like Veno's)
  • tea tree oil

Put in food blender and blend like fury. 

Strain through muslin, add whatever alcohol is still left over from various Christmases past (Grand Marnier, gin, something unpleasantly gluhweinish that no one will touch, and that cheap cherry brandy from Lidl), and a splash of Angostura Bitters to add sophistication. 

Bottle. Label. 

Invite people (friends, neighbours, Commenters) round to share the delights of Dr Slow Lane's Efficacious Mixture. Serve them first. 


16 comments:

Susan said...

uh huh ....

Isabelle said...

My mother has that cough too and insists on telling me about the ... productive aspect... over and over again. Often when we're eating.

I wonder if a pillow placed gently over the face would be the solution? Not so much for you. Time would be the other cure, I suspect.

Poor you.

Lesley said...

Send me a bottle - I'm nearly desperate enough to try it! I'm hacking away like a good 'un too! It's miserable.

Lesley x

Rattling On said...

I think it could be a winner. I shouldn't strain it if I were you. Texture is all the rage nowadays.

Friko said...

hang on a minute, you forgot to add Liqufruta Garlic
Medicine; It'll add that final je ne sais quoi.

judy in ky said...

Yuck! I think I'd rather cough! (not really)

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Light blue touchpaper and retire ?

valct4joy said...

Well, you know what they say about cough mixture, if it tastes foul, it's undoubtedly excellent. On that basis I'd say you have a winner, but it might be a little difficult recruiting volunteers for the clinical trials.

Linda said...

That should immunise the rest of us nicely!

Lynda (Granny K) said...

It can't taste worse than Liquatfruita, which my mother dosed with with in the 50's. It was vile; made from onions and garlic, and the dose was 2 tablespoons, if I remember rightly, followed sharply by the sick-bucket!

Susan said...

oooooohhhhhhs !
aaaaaaahhhhhhhs!!
& wows !!!

we got us some new banner photo LOVE -
les chats, and dog, and person of 29 Black Street. Gorgeous new blossoms - hope that cough is a mendin'. xo les Gang

Val said...

I'm sure that mixture would cure scurvy or woodworm or plague or something like that...are you going to patent it ? providing of course you find a bottle strong enough to survive it's corrosive qualities of course (btw I'd volunteer to test it for you but I'm not brave enough)

Anonymous said...

Could I volunteer to test it on colleagues? (It's been a long and trying week!)

Jan

judy in ky said...

Come to think of it, your brew sounds a lot like Jaegermeister! Have you tried that?

Pam said...

I was so desperate with a viral dry hacking cough recently I would have tried anything, including your multi-brew.Worse aspect was,this happened during our Festival time -sitting in many an audience, suffering with three cough lozenges at once stuck in my mouth,the picture of strained control, eyes watering, hand over mouth,in quiet bits of performances that went on forever.Not fun.

brokenbiro said...

Lily the Pink, re-invented! Mine's a pint.

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