Order approved

The Red Stair Carpet of Shame (seen here a year ago, since when it has become shabbier and more decrepit) is living on borrowed time.

A new stair carpet has been shopped for, samples brought home to try against the paint colours, and a decision made.

The Supervisor was asked her opinion. I already knew what she thought of the old carpet, because she has been trying to remove it herself, with her own fair paws, a corner at a time.

She bottom-tested the sample and thought it would do nicely.

The labrador, whose over-positive disposition means that her critical faculties are not to be trusted, paw-tested the sample and thought it was "Lovely!". Everything is "Lovely!" to that dog.

I liked it, and I know Margery will be grateful; the old red one was far more perspirational work than it was worth, refusing latterly to give up its rich collection of fluff and hair to her vigorous wielding of the vacuum cleaner.

As we all seemed to agree on its superiority, it will be fitted at the end of the month, giving me time to locate a biohazard suit that fits me. Then I shall take up the old carpet, saying goodbye to the last reminders of several elderly cats and a very badly-behaved visiting dog. No one will be allowed in to watch when I uncover the underlay on that landing outside the bathroom.....