Saturday, 24 July 2010

And take one step back








The house buying dance goes like this:

Step forward in stately fashion; view a house.
Pause. Think briefly. Request opportunity to have a second viewing whilst in area. Tenants refuse; viewings have a 4-hour window, and it's shut.
Take one step back. Return to starting position, 300 miles away, think some more. 
Advance one step, holding skirt, pointing toes daintily. Make offer. Stipulate vacant possession; check tenants made aware of proposed purchase.

Hop, skip, lightly; offer accepted.
Curtsey to all corners, smiling. Ignore absence of partner (buyer of your own house) who remains silent in the wings.
Perform restrained hornpipe, paying particular attention to the part where you put your hand across your forehead, as though looking out to sea, searching for partner.

Step back. Partner still in shadows. Dance remains solo effort. Tenants' notice period ends early October, not September as originally told. 
Pause. Draw breath, remembering not to hyperventilate. Keep arms and feet tidily in position; no hand-wringing or looking around frantically for missing partner.

Twirl prettily on the spot for a while. Try not to pull disagreeable faces; endeavour to look cool, collected. Twirling must look easier than it is. Don't wobble.

Partner remains absent. Try not to fret; concentrate on maintaining momentum and grace, smiling determinedly. Take care not to stamp your feet.

Hop, skip, advance in lively polka fashion. Tenants in hurry to vacate house; need to settle in new place before September when child will be in school.

Raise arms, increase tempo, perform small jig on the spot. Hum along with the music.

Advance and fall back, several times, try not to imagine that partner has gone off to dance/buy house elsewhere. Hissed messages from the wings indicate that he is late, that's all. Emulate Joyce: stately as a galleon....

Pause. Hold arms gracefully. Turn toes out. Hold position. Hold....hold... Tenants not moving in a hurry after all; now in their own house-purchase dance. October move seems more likely.


Hold position. Keep smiling. Try not to look demented while smiling. Try not to scream, or hit someone. This bloody dance will end somehow, sometime, and you can take the red shoes off.

15 comments:

Mac n' Janet said...

When we bought our current home we were living in California, this place is in Georgia. So when we bought it the current owners agreed to rent it from us till we moved in at the end of June, I was a teacher and had to complete the school year. The people who bought our house in California rented it back to us until we could leave. The people in Georgia decided they couldn't move out till the end of the first week in July because the house they were building wouldn't be done.
Then it rained all spring and they wouldn't have their new house done for months so they agreed to move out on time. Unfortunately they only paid rent once.
Isn't moving fun!

My Farmhouse Kitchen said...

what a great post...i know what ya mean too....

kary and teddy and her kittys

moreidlethoughts said...

Priceless! I shall be chuckling all day now.

Hazel said...

...and eat a little chocolate. But don't drop any down your frock, now that you've made such a good job of a smart turn out for your partner - wherever he's got to.

Suggest mindless, but theraputic couch grass digging at your plot - you might be passing it on, but perhaps the gardening gods will smile on your good deed for the next incumbant, and reward you with good soil in your noo garden.

"Sunshine" said...

Oh my oh my. Such a dance it is...Hard to keep in step, right?
You'll be happy when you're the only dancing partner...

BumbleVee said...

people! pagh!! they're all enough to make you crazy. No wonder I'm a happy recluse....

the veg artist said...

Only once have I been in a chain where the women above behaved with absolute grace. It was the people buying from us who were holding things up, but the woman we bought from waited for three months, and turned down more money, because of our attitude to her beloved, if nearly derelict, house. The house that she was buying belonged to another elderly, single lady who was going to buy a small terraced house nearby. That was empty, due to a divorce, and the owner very kindly said that she could move her furniture in gradually as he was sure that it would all go through eventually.

I think that this is quite rare. Most people suffer stress over one aspect of housemoving or another, but we all seem to manage it in the end!

Anonymous said...

Poor you...Happy to send real rather than virtual chocolate if you'd like some. Or pass on some of my son's Amazingly Rude Words, if that would help with venting. Remember, this too shall pass, and the cats will have their country home.

Jan x

Sue said...

And remember to breath.To think we are hoping to go through something like this next year. Sure it will be worth it in the end.

June said...

It's always like that. Always. You wouldn't think that the transfer of something so big as a house would be so minute-by-minute agonizing, would you?
It all works out in the end, though.

Take Xanax if you have it.

judy in ky said...

That dance is enough to induce dizziness! I second the Xanax suggestion.

Rattling On said...

The house we have now was a similar palaver to buy. We made an offer (accepted) having only seen the house on the internet. Came to England to view (odd husband hid in a series of rooms as we negotiated the viewing), told they were anxious to move blah blah. Our offer expired twice and in the end I told her she (I think he'd been a hologram)had a week or we were off. When we moved in we couldn't get into the back garden for the 'stuff' in the way. They collected this over a period of 2 weeks. Found out later they'd been with every agent in the area and never got further than accepting an offer. They did leave a rather nice (very large) rug I'd commented on when we viewed. I like to think of it as our compensation for extended patience. With a bit of a strop at the end!

frayedattheedge said...

We once went on holiday in the middle of selling our house (when we lived in England) - when we got back, the chain had collapsed, but another buyer had come in so it was all back on track ...... it is just such a stressful time - but slightly less stressful in Scotland as we don't have chains. I find a (large) glass of wine to be very therapeutic!!

Isabelle said...

It's much less stressful in Scotland - though bad enough.

Joyce Grenfell - I do love her, though am alarmed to see how young she's looking these days. I used to think she was ancient. Sigh.

Marcheline said...

Been there, got the bunyans to prove it!

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