Tuesday, 30 March 2010

I'm not well, you know....

Hot, cold, coughing, sleepless, thirsty, nauseous, hot, cold, coughing, sleepless, nauseous. Aches and pains, and my lungs hurt. Day 3 and counting. Cough... feeble cough....



I think I have A Virus. Yes, that's all. I know it should be something more impressive.

I've always been sufficiently self-aware to know that I must never ever own a medical dictionary, or indeed, be allowed access to one. I'd just have every disease and ailment listed therein, perhaps in multiples of three or four, and never just A Virus, that handy catch-all, too ordinary to even have an important-sounding Latin name.


I don't have a thermometer either. It's so easy to tell when you have a raised temperature, so why find out by how much? Too alarming by half, and the risk of compulsive ambulance-calling is too great.

This disciplined approach to imaginary illness has stood me in good stead over the years. Apart from a terrifying bout of viral labyrinthitis, which made me believe I really was about to die, my occasional illnesses have remained reassuringly commonplace, save in my wakeful 3 a.m. moments of dread: flu, colds and coughs. Nothing dramatic. I have a well-stocked medicine cabinet and a ready supply of self-sympathy.


But now we have computers instead of medical dictionaries. And Google. So much scary information out there! So many dreadful diseases that are almost matched by my symptoms! I daren't look!

I would become a cyberchondriac.

No point in going to my lovely doctor. I know she would tell me gently that it's A Virus, and will go away of its own accord.

She also knows that if it wasn't A Virus and she offered me medication, I would a) resist, in that irritating way of the Worried Well who don't get enough attention, b) worry about the side effects, until c) I became that pain in the neck patient, the Non-Compliant one, who goes away and gets better anyway.

It's not easy, you know, shifting from being Worried Well to Irrationally Ill..... cough.... feeble cough....

22 comments:

Linda said...

Oh. So sorry. Are your four-legged friends looking after you? Daft question!

Is there something wrong with your 'comments'? I left a warning to Millie about not going too far with this 'found food' lark.

Hope you feel better soon. From a very cold West Wales (snowing at 9am!!!!).

Susan said...

We sure hope you're feeling better soon ... and in the meantime do enjoy your time avec Dr. Google (my preferred physician as well) sending lots of love & tulips xo S & les Gang

Paddy Paws said...

Big sympathies. I'd share my Nurophen super strength tablets, but I need them to keep my raging toothache at bay. Infection in the root - ahhhh!!! Probably £600 to sort it out - even more ahhhh!!!

Hope you feel better soon. This illness lark's not to be sneezed at.

jinksy said...

Guess it's time to send a heap of non-habit forming, eco friendly healing vibes your way! :)

Frances said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling poorly......a nice mouse stew should get you back on your feet!! Hope you feel better soon. I am totally with you on the hypochondria aspects of your post. x

Rattling On said...

My mother really is a hyopchondriac. It's very wearing, and of course one day she will turn out to actually have something and no-one will give a whatsit. Spike Milligan's headstone reads 'I told you I was ill.' I think we may have to borrow that one...

BumbleVee said...

oh, darn it..... feeling crappy is the pits. Hope it takes a turn for the better soon...but, we know how those viruses...or is it virii? .... go. They don't. For at least 10 - 14 days.... you have to wait them out. Rest when you can because sleeping is impossible..... not much for it I'm afraid.

BIG hugs....

Vee

elizabethm said...

Sorry to hear you are suffering. Nothing worse than A Virus, doesn't even have the decency to have a proper name.

Lesley said...

Get well soon. I'm going to steal "Cybercondriac" from you (and I don't care if it wasn't yours in the first place - it is to me!).

Lesley x

Lynda (Granny K) said...

I've got exactly the same symptoms. Went to bed this afternoon with 2 Paras (and I don't mean the chaps who jump out of planes :o)

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Ask Millie . She'll diagnose you in seconds and have just the diet needed to put you back on your feet .
Meanwhile , from Newnes Household encyclopaedia ( almost as good) :
"Thoroughly mix together 4 oz. poplar bark , 8 oz. bayberry , 1 oz. cinnamon , and 2 dr. cayenne . From half to one teaspoonful should be taken in half a pint of well-sweetened water boiling water at bedtime ."
P.S. If you don't want to poison yourself , please ignore .

Fran said...

Doesn't sound good. Get well soon. Sell the '1000 things that could be wrong with you' books. They're a disaster.

valct4joy said...

Yup, Dr Google is my first port of call and, if necessary, my GP confirms my diagnosis (just joking). I hope that you feel better soon.

Val said...

Love the savage chickens cartoon that really creased me up..

Get well soon!

judy in ky said...

I don't have a virus, but I did slice off the tip of a finger with a mandoline this afternoon. My sister the doctor has admonished me on numerous occasions for looking on Google for a diagnosis... she says it gives me too many ghastly ideas. I hope you feel much better soon.

liZZie said...

Commiserations and bucket fulls of sympathy. I suppose a positive is that being so poorly whilst there's this last vicious bout of winterness means your recovery will coincide with glorious Spring time. I hope so anyway. I've seen Easter holiday makers arriving in these parts with skis...

Isabelle said...

Prawns, that's what you need (say Cassie and Sirius).

Poor you, say I. Hope tomorrow brings an improvement.

Catherine said...

This made me laugh! I too have spent way too much time on WebMD! Too funny.

Hope you get feeling better soon!

love those cupcakes said...

Oh dear. Hope you're lurgy free soon. By the way, I'm typing this wearing a mask made from a hanky and two elastic bands. Well, I don't want to catch anything.

mountainear said...

Poor you - sorry to be a bit late in my sick-visiting. Hope you are feeling a lot better.

Isabelle said...

Still not well enough to blog? Oh dear, must be serious. Comforting purrs from Edinburgh.

Jay Diamond said...

I would suggest a short break enjoying the South Shropshire air to make you feel better, but after the snow we had today I think a warm toddy and hot water bottle may do the job.
Get well soon!

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