Birthday party. No cats.

The dog says she's sorry, but she loved her cake so much that she forgot to share it with anyone. She hopes you won't be too upset. She thought you'd like the recipe, as it's a prizewinner. She's having a post-party nap now.

Tiny Cake for Tiny Dog (aged 10)

Ingredients:

• 1 tiny tin of posh cat food in jelly (in this case, sardine and mackerel for a little dog who loves fish)

• I slice Gouda cheese

• milk drops (for cats)

• catnip drops (also for cats)

Method:

• Shut cats out of kitchen to avoid being mobbed during cake-making

• Ignore pitiful cries from other side of door

• Turn jellied cat food out of tin onto small plate

• Avoid stepping on anxiously-hovering, drooling dog 

• Cut strips of Gouda cheese to size; wrap round smelly appetising fish and jelly cake

• Apologise to dog for stepping on her

• Decorate cake with milk and catnip drops, feeling a bit silly

• Light candle to allow dog time to appreciate your singing of 'Happy Birthday'

• Remove candle, break cake up with fork, and serve

• 53 seconds later, remove empty, well-polished plate 

• Spend next ten minutes explaining to the cats why they were locked out so that the dog wouldn't be outnumbered, bullied and robbed of her birthday cake

• Compensate cats with cheese, catnip and a little guilt

• Avoid the dog's breath for the rest of the evening